Falling off the wagon, stumbling around a bit, and then climbing back on...

Soooooo, this week I didn't do too hot. To make a long story short I went to the fabulous wedding of a couple of fabulous friends, SANS baby!, aaaaaand I overindulged in pretty much everything. I let go of any guilt as best as I could, and just had a freaking fantastic weekend, SANS baby! I really did at one point try to stick to my points, and not drink too much, but it was pretty much impossible. The weekend turned into some kind of drinking and eating marathon, which isn't the kind of marathon I should be participating in, right? I only gained 0.2lbs, which is actually amazing. But because I was a little hung over and tired on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I ate lots of unhealthy crap in large amounts to try and feel better again. So I probably will gain when I weight in again next week.

I did manage to walk up and down the stairs of the gorgeous hotel about 6 times (there approximately 5 stories of stairs) and I even went and hopped on the elliptical for 20 minutes on Saturday morning, before I had my shower and went to my make-up lesson. Yip, I got a professional make-up lesson, with this really cute male make-up artist, who works at an up-scale salon in Nashville, who didn't seem in the least bit gay. I'm not being sarcastic, really I'm not, he was just this really nice, regular guy, and I had the best time with him. He went through all of my makeup, told me what worked for me, what didn't, and what I needed to go shopping for. The great part about paying someone upfront to do it, as opposed to someone that works in a department store, was that he wasn't trying to push a product on me, just to sell me something and get commission. I really think it is going to save me money because now I KNOW exactly what I need, & how to apply it. I don't have to waste any more time cluelessly wondering up and down the cosmetic isles at Target.

I'm definitely on a self improvement kick, and it is extending into every area of my life. I want to make the most of myself in every way. I want to be skinny and healthy. I want to make the most of my wardrobe and make up. In the past my beauty routine has consisted of:

a.) showering (if I had time)
b.) putting on deodorant
c.) throwing my hair into a messy pony tail
d.) putting on my scruffy uniform of jeans and a tank top or t-shirt
e.) brushing my teeth
f.) mascara and concealer if I was feeling extra fancy.

My wardrobe was, and still very much is, uninspiring. I keep telling myself that I will invest in clothes when I lose the weight, when I get the money, or when I have the energy and motivation to go shopping. Six months ago I purchased a pair of jeans from The Gap, and I literally wore them EVERY SINGLE DAY till I had a hole in the crotch area. But you know what is even sadder. Instead of promptly returning to The Gap to find another pair of jeans, I wore thick, black leggings under my jeans, till the hole just got so big that it was starting to get inappropriate. Before I went to Nashville this weekend, I went back to the Gap to get the exact same pair of jeans, but in a smaller size, because surely after six months I am a little smaller right? WRONG. Exactly the same: 29 8a, (curvy, which is a nice way of saying, you have a gigantic ass, I have a bum that could put J-Lo to shame.) I felt embarrassed, and it was definitely a bit of a wake up call. I have come a long way since I had the baby, I lost 25 of the 55 lbs I hope to lose in the first six months of my child's life. But I still have at least 25 to go. And over the past year, I have stalled, mostly because of some other major life changing events, like moving and going back to school etc etc. But I think I am starting to find my balance. I can feel it.

So here is to another set of resolutions, made in the most gentle, loving way I possibly know how. Because if I am going to succeed at any of this, it is going to have to be through discipline and exceptional self love.

Resolution #1: Recommit to Weight Watchers.

Self Explanatory.

Resolution #2. Recommit to Jillian

I started the 30 day shred, and pretty much arsed out on the 2nd day. I have done it before (she helped me lose those first 25 lbs, 20 minutes a day is easy to commit to, and 30 days is a nice finite period of time to stick to a program before I want to bash myself over the head with this 3 lb dumbbell because I am sooooo sick of Jillian's cheesy jokes). (holy run on sentence.)

Resolution #3: 28 day cleanse

Starts June 6th, more to follow on this in future posts. It's going to be pretty 'out there' (for lack of a better word or phrase), & my husband is going to hate it.

Resolution #4: Try to stay balanced when traveling out of town for weddings, vacations etc.

I have another out of town wedding weekend extravaganza coming up in May that I am so excited about. I really don't want to come home feeling EXHAUSTED and FAT at the end of it this time.

Resolution #5:

Go to church. Just once in the next month or so, go to church, any church will do.

Resolution # 6: Subscribe to a running magazine

Always have the hardest time spending money on myself. But I need to get some kind of marathon training plan together. I'm cruising along fine with the training for the 5K with C25K, but after I run the race in June, I am going to have to step up my training, and I don't know how.

Resolution #7: Enjoy every second with my kid...

...because he is just growing up so fast. One thing about weight loss that sucks, is it puts you in a mindset that you can enjoy your life, that everything will be perfect, when you are skinny again. Wishing for a future that may not come for a while, diminishes your enjoyment of the present. I love him so much. I would share a picture with you, but I am one of those nervous parents that will not post pictures of their children on the Internet.

Thanks for reading,

Cheers for now.

Perfection, the enemy of the good.

Voltaire is the great thinker who is responsible for the observation: "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." Last week I made a list of difficult resolutions that included giving up the four deadly "C's": cabernet, chocolate, coffee and carbs and exercising everyday. I have done very well, but I haven't been perfect. When I am not perfect, I lose motivation, and it is easy to just give up on the project all together. I ate banana bread, indulged in red wine, and even skipped working out a couple of days. But I have still continued to run three times a week with c25k, and I have even lost a couple of pounds. Instead of going on some draconian diet, I have recommited myself to Weight Watchers, something that has worked well for me in the past. I downloaded the iphone app, and I absolutely LOVE it. It is so easy to use, and I am definitely eating less and enjoying more fruits and vegetables.

I just can't give up what I love completely. There is joy in that glass of wine, there is pleasure in that creamy cup of coffee, and ectasy in that mouthful of divine chocolate. Sure it would be better to cut it out all together, but I think I am happier beacause I am learning how to find balance, and to to mitigate the bad with something good. Balance the occasional cup of coffee with a fresh green juice for breakfast. Counteract that wonderful pasta and red wine with a couple of days of lightly steamed veggies and lots of water. Cultivate calm, breathe, slow down, savor, balance.

I am happy to report that I am already feeling SO much better. I was in pain a couple of weeks ago. Everything hurt, I was depressed, and extremely fatigued ALL the time. One thing that helped tremendously was an hour long massage that I got last week. All the pain that was in my joints is pretty much gone, and I have been sleeping better. I think that cash flow permitting, it is something I am going to have to work into my schedule at least once a month, maybe even more often when I get into the heavier marathon training.

In other news, today my kid pointed to a picture of a cow and said "MOO!"very clearly, and likewise said "QUACK!" when he saw a picture of a duck. He doesn't say many other words, just: mama, dada, hi, hey, no, O.K, and "aqua" (spanish for water, my hubby is Cuban). I know he understands way more than he can communicate, I can see the little wheels turning in his head while he soaks up everything like a little sponge. I can't wait to hear what the little guy is thinking.

My fridge, with check marks for completed workouts. Gibson Guitar 5K is in 8 weeks, on June 11th:

Next time if I am brave, maybe I'll post a "before" picture. I'm shy you know :)

Cheers for now.

First Set of Resolutions

Resolution # 1: Get Off the Couch.

I wish I had trained for a marathon before I ever had a baby. I never imagined how difficult it would be physically to carry, birth and care for this little boy. The first six weeks of his life I didn’t sleep and feel like I never recovered! My neck hurts, my joints ache like an eighty year old woman’s, and my energy levels are at an all time low. I am so tired of feeling sick and tired. I have a new found respect for my mom and dad, who raised four children including one severely disabled autistic child. In fact, I sincerely look at every mother with a new sense of compassion and respect.

I don’t know how much of my extreme fatigue has to do with physical health and how much of it has to do with the demanding job of raising a rambunctious toddler, working on my Masters, taking care of a house and a husband, cooking for my family every night and working part time. On top of all of this, my child has had an ear infection for three months that won’t go away. Having a sick kid makes life a wee bit stressful sometimes. I went for a full physical in January, and my doctor says that I am actually quite healthy. I just feel lousy. I am sleeping poorly, I grind my teeth in my sleep, and I run out of steam very quickly.

As I mentioned in my very first post, I plan to break up my marathon into intermediary goals. The first goal is to run a 5k (approximately 3 miles) in about nine weeks time. I have signed up for the Gibson Guitar 5k in June. I am going to use the C25K application on my iphone to train for it. It is an awesome application. It is a nine week long, 3 times a week training program that promises to take you from the couch to a comfortable 5k. It plays your own music in the background and a soothing male voice tells you exactly when to warm up, run, walk and cool down. I went for my first run on Saturday, and needless to say I am in quite bad shape.

Resolution # 2: 30 day Shred

I will be alternating running days with Jillian Michael's 30 day shred video. I have done it in the past and it is quite effective. I have printed out a calendar for the next three months and I will sign off when I run C25K, and on days I do Jullian's workout on Mondays - Saturdays. It is an easy, effective way to stay organized and keep track of when I need to move on to the next level.

Resolution # 3:  A little Yoga

I am MAJOR stress and anxiety issues. I am absolutely horrible at managing it. Just having a toddler with an ear infection sends me into a major tailspin. Yoga is known for it's stress reducing benefits, and should be a nice compliment to any other joint pounding exercise that I do. I did some tonight and I certainly felt much better afterwards. Yoga will be scheduled in every Sunday.

Resolution # 4: No alcohol till the Wedding Anniversary (May 24th) ...

...or caffeine, or sugar, or refined carbs. This one is probably going to be the toughest. I am not typically a fan of draconian diets, or broadcasting the fact to the world that I am on one. But I am doing this for good reason. I have felt so tired, and so ill lately, that I am quite desperate to do ANYTHING to feel good again. I can't give it my all as a mommy when I am not feeling myself. I think that no matter what your nutritional beliefs are, you can agree that cutting out/ reducing these four items in your diet won't hurt and might just benefit you a little. The wedding anniversary night, however, all bets are off. Oh yes, I will indulge in a little champagne and chocolate.

Resolution #5: Get edumacated

Subscribe to Runners World magazine, read other marathon blogs, read, read, read. I have no idea what training for a marathon entails and I need to learn pronto if I am going to make my goal in a year's time.